My Journey Back To Art 

I am not a conventional artist; I don’t fit the criteria of my peers today. I’m not "pretty," I don’t come from money, and I struggle daily with my emotions. I don’t always "talk right," and the point is, I don’t feel like I fit into my local area—or at least, that’s how it feels to me.

The truth is, my dream has always been to be an artist. To be honest, I had given up on that. I’m not sure if this makes sense, but I felt like I was dreaming while running—trying to accomplish something I didn't actually want. Maybe it was a dream, or maybe just the collective rat race; either way, I don't ever want that again. For the last eight years, I’ve tried to fill that space with merit-based work. I thought, maybe if I become a welder, maybe if I buy this car, maybe if I become a manager, or maybe if I own this or that... but as I accomplished those things, I couldn’t help it—I just felt emptier.

I kept thinking, "Back to square one." But no! No, no, no! Who says I can’t be a performance artist if I’ve never tried? Who says I can’t build a retro website just to see how it looks?

It worked. I was happy. From the project notes to the cultivation of the site, seeing it become physically real made me feel real.

The more I work, the more I realize my art could truly be something. Even if only one person sees it or attends a show, it makes it all worthwhile. I have so much to say and so much to show. More than ever, I want to show up for the daily drive I have now.

 It’s comforting. I stay up at night, thinking about the completion and the next set of projects. Compared to the distress of the ebb I used to feel.

Now I feel a the flow.